"This is what I taste like....or is it??

TGIF to those I have not spoken to today! It's DEFINITELY been a CRUNK AZZ Friday so why stop now! Ya'll ready? Please be advised! This blog will contain strong language content and very very explicit scenarios!

*Disclaimer: If you can't stand the heat, cut the stove off and get your ass out of the kitchen now.*Okaaaay people here we go!

Jazmine....the bad chick....I mean she's bad...I mean really bad. Size 4 in the waist but a size 44 in the hips. She's got azz for days and the kind that you can bounce a quarter off of and leave your cup sitting there. When she walks in a room, EVERYBODY wants to know "damn dog, who the hell is that?" You've seen that kind of girl before huh. You know.....the one that gets on the dance floor and makes her azz cheeks jump one at a time. She can go all the way down to the floor while holding her ankles! *you think back to that chick you saw at the club last week* .....yeahhhhh her!

There you are, Derrick...you and your homeboys hanging out one Saturday night when you notice her walk in. All of the fellas in the spot immediately turn their heads to see what she has on tonight. Low and behold, she's wearing a dress so short that if she passes gas, her azz is out! Yeah, like that. BUT them men like it. They are amazed at how she strolls across the floor not thinking once about grabbing the bottom of her skirt to try and pull it down. Every group of women she passes are huddled up whispering' "look at what this bitch has on tonight." She sees them and even hears them but unphased by it, she keeps moving past them.

She makes her way to the corner of the club to a guy that looks like he could be related to Flava Flav, but he is the neighborhood dope boy so he still gets major pull because of his cash flow. She walks over to him and kisses him on the cheek. He gives her a hug and she whispers in his ear, "hey baby, you like what I am wearing tonight?" He spins her around and responds, "yeah but there is something missing." She steps back in close to him and asks, "what's that big daddy?

*If you are sensitive to graphic detail, I suggest you stop NOW***

He pulls her in closely, turns her around to where her azz is pressed firmly up against his "magic stick" and she can feel it as it jumps in his pants. He unzips his pants and slides his "magic stick out." Jazmine begins stroking his "magic stick" in the corner and he busts after a short while all over her hands... but SOMEBODY notices what is going on. Once Flava Flav's twin is done, he slides his "magic stick" back in his jeans and sends her on her way.

Jazmine begins making her way back across the club to where Derrick and his friends are standing. Derrick has not seen anything that has taken place in the club and she walks up to him and says, "hey baby you look nice tonight." Derrick, being naive smiles and says in such a happy voice, "thanks sexy." They continue talking but Derrick is so caught up in her dress he never sees his homeboys trying to get his attention. She continues talking to Derrick and tells him how sexy his lips are....all the while she slowly brings her hand up to his face.

Derrick is being sucked in by her sultry voice and her bombshell body...she caresses the side of his face while telling him how she would like to get to know him. Derrick still blind to what has taken place in the club continues to stand there caught in a trance. What happens next is just out of this world.

She tells him that she wants him to taste her and see what he could have. That very same hand that she used to jack off Flava Flav's twin in the corner, she takes that hand and slides each one of those fingers in his mouth!!! *say it with me UUUUUGGGGGH* Derricks homeboy pulls him to the side after he has witnessed her sliding her hands in his mouth....he explains to him what has happened in the corner.....

WTH should Derrick do????? That is the question!!

*Fellas.....if you meet a woman in the club and she is anxious to run her hands by your mouth, DON'T DO IT!!!! You may be tasting somebody's kids and not even know it!

"WTF? What did you just say?"

*Disclaimer: If you are a trifling parent, DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT post on this blog! I personally am going to eat your ass alive!!!! This is something that urks the hell outta me.*

Okay.....if you understand the statement above, here we go!

I have a male friends who are wonderful parents. They do what is necessary to take care of their kids and will go over and beyond to make sure their child is cared for in every way possible. Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut......a few of them have some TRIFLING ass baby momma's!!!! Yeah I know somebody is looking like oh shit, is she talking about me today! Nah, nobody in particular but just something I thought about last night.

Point in case....Here you have a man who you once had a relationship with. He gave you everything you wanted and needed in the relationship and you two eventually had a child together. Somewhere along the lines, she stepped her ass out and cheated. Guess what? He LEFT YOU!!!! Can you be mad? Nope.....

Well.....he has made it clear to his child's mother that he wants nothing to do with her and he is moving on. She seems like she understands everything he is telling her and abliges his request to cut all ties. He still does for his child as he is suppose to and he even VOLUNTEERS to keep the child every other week so you two can share responsibility and quality time. (This action I applaud).What's the problem?????

Hmph....here is where all of those trifling ass baby momma's need to really pay attention!

He's finally started seeing someone else and she has found out about it. His baby's momma begins to call and ask for things that she has never asked for before (come to her place to see their child, bring "them" something to eat, stupid shit) simply because he has moved on and is now spending time with a female. But he is still doing all of the things he was doing with the child before the female came in the picture. What does the baby momma have the nerve to tell him? "You will not see your child as long as you are dating someone else

HUH???? WTF did you just say??? He can't see his child because he's moved on?

Wait....wait.....here's a twist to this story....oh yeah....you know this couldn't just go so easy like that. He's not just dating SOMEONE else.....nah...The female he is now dating is a female the baby momma does not like! (Let the crowd say oooh aaaah)!!!!

First of all....the baby momma had her chance and SHE messed it up!!! PERIOD! He's doing everything necessary to make sure his child is STILL taken care of as if he was still with you, but he knows how to do it from a distance. He still keeps his child on alternate weeks, he still drops everything to spend time with his child and simply because he's gotten over you and moved on, you want to hold his child against him???

Why do females do this? Why put your child in a position where they have to see this kind of controversy between his/her parents? Men....if this was you or is you, what do you do?

Imma let you all have at this one first. But oooooohhhhh....I hate this kind of shit right here!!!!

Have at it!

"Your what? Sideline ho?"

Good morning fellow bloggers!!! Today's topic was inspired by someone's status that I have seen throught my friends list. Let me clear this up before anyone goes searching to see who's status is close to what I am about to write about.

This blog is NOT, I repeat is NOT completely from them. It was just something that stemmed from their status. I do NOT know all of the details of their situation. Ok? So please do not assume this is about them! So with that being said, heeeeeeeeeere we go!

You were involved with someone but you two have been broken up for a while. You soon learn they are dating someone and have recently gotten engaged. You congratulate them and tell them you wish nothing but he best for them. But do you really? You two talk about things and you go as far as to ask them, "Are you really in love or are you just trying to fill a void in your life?" They respond to you in a sure voice and tell you that they couldn't be happier. So you let it roll.......

Welllll.....the wedding has taken place and you were in attendance and met this person to whom your ex is marrying. You congratulate them both and go on about your business not even thinking twice about it. Really??? Ummmm.....we'll see.

A few months down the line, you receive a phone call from your ex, uh yeah the recently married ex. They ask to meet you for lunch or dinner and you agree; not thinking anything of it but just catching up on how things are going. Hmph.....this is where the shit really starts to get good.

So here you are eating and all of a sudden your ex (yeah the recently married one) says to you, "I've been thinking about you and I wanna go out to the movies or something one night." You are stunned because you're thinking to yourself, "what the hell?" You respond to them by saying, "um...so what do you want to go out with me for, what about your spouse?"

*Disclaimer: Yeah lemme throw this in here right now....If you are someone who is married and you are doing this shit with someone on here, please refrain from commenting. Nine times out of ten, they are going to throw your ass dead under the bus on this one!!!!*

Ok....back to the story....LOL....After you have asked the question about their spouse the answer they give you will damn near make you choke on your food. Your ex, yeah the recently married one, leans over and tells you, "I just got married to make you jealous.

"HUH??? WTF??? You did what? Ok....so you try to regain your composure after learning this shit and you sit back in your seat and say, "so you wanna get a divorce?" And low and damn behold, your ex has the nerve to say, "hell naw, I'm not leaving my spouse but I wanna be able to see you too." They go on to say how they know you still love them and you want them but you they couldn't marry you.

What do you do? LMAO.....they want you to be their "sideline ho" at YOUR expense! Once again, if you KNOW you are in this situation please refer back to the disclaimer!!!

"Um...where do you think you're going?"

Awwww shucks now!!!! It's Friday and the weekend has officially began! Are you and your friends going to paint the town tonight? Or are you going to be a couch potato and just chill @ the house?

Many people ask themself this question as the weekend approaches and some end up with some crazy ass outcomes. Where the hell am I going with this??? LOL....Of course you know I had to have some craziness somewhere in the midst of this note today! Wellllp.....here it is!

You are involved, whether it is married or in a relationship, your ass is on lock! LOL......It's Friday and you're contemplating on going out and kicking it, BUT.....you have a level of respect where as you see if your other half wants to do anything first. Right???? I guess....LOL.... Sooooo....you ask them if they have anything they would like to do with you for the evening and they say, "nah....I don't really feel like doing anything because I am tired. I'm just gon' chill around the house."

So immediately you are like, ok. You pick up the phone and call your friends and say, "hey....what do you all want to do tonight?" So you all decide you are going to go out to a club and chill for a lil while. Wellllll....shit is NOT about to go so smooth!

Your mate waits anxiously until you hang up the phone when all of a sudden they hit you with the all time classic line, "Who was that?" Now....they were sitting right there listening and KNOW who the hell it was. So you tell them just because they asked and you think nothing of it. Your mate then comes back with another question, "ya'll supposed to be going out somewhere?" Again....yoiu are saying to yourself, "I know damn well he/she just heard me talking about going out." You tell your mate "yes we are going out since you said you wanted to just stay home and chill."

A few hours later, you start getting ready....you take a shower, pull out a fiyah ass outfit, make sure you smell right and tell your mate, "I'm leaving now and I'll be back in a little while." Awwww nawwww....shit is not about to go that simple. Hours have passed since the topic was even brought up about you going somewhere and has gone to the point of you being completely ready to go when your mate hits your ass with this definite shit starter......."Hell naw.....you ain't going no damn where!!!!"

So of course, an argument insues. You are ready to go, your friends are waiting for you at the spot but you are stuck @ home arguing with this asshole! LOL.....Wait...wait....there is another twist to this mess. In the middle of you all arguing, your mate gets a call from their friends. They are out at the club and wants your mate to come and kick it. Remind you....your mate said they were going to chill because they were tired and had no plans earlier. Once your mate hangs up the phone, they then tell you, "go ahead, I'm going out too."

So you're thinking to yourself now I thought you said you weren't going out, didn't want me to go out because you chose to stay at home but now since your friends have called, it's ok???WTF!!!!! Ya'll can have at it with this one....LOL....we have been there and ummmm some of ya'll (notice I said ya'll) are still going thru it! LMAO...

Oh yeah here's the disclaimer: *If you know your ass is going to be in this predicament tonight, please refrain from saying, "I do what the hell I wanna do and go when I wanna go." I don't want your mate seeing this shit and the next thing we know you've been Chrihanna'd*

"You need to whip his ass"

Yep.....some of you may already know where I am about to embark on this journey today! For all of my parents who read this blog, please do NOT have a flashback and attack any kids in your presence!!!Ready? Here we go.....

It's just any other day....you've already had a long day at work. You're tired and you've dealt with grown folks all day long as it is, right? So....on the way home, you realize you need to make a stop by the grocery store and pick up a few things for dinner tonight. You have kids at home that need to eat and you're thinking to yourself, "hmmm...what will I cook for dinner tonight?"

As you enter the grocery store, you are in a very laid back mood but also ready to get in and get out. You want to grab the few items that you need, get home, cook and have your family time. So here you are pushing your buggy thru the store on Aisle 2 when all of a sudden you hear this someone "small" saying, "I don't want that."

Now initially you think, ok....what was that about and you pay it no mind. So you continue on over to Aisle 4 when you hear this person again say, "I hate you." Now....this is when you realize ummm yeah this is a child and you want to see who it is they are talking to and what is going on.

Here's the killer: You start pushing your buggy a little faster and over on Aisle 5, you see a grown ass lady and this lil bad ass boy laying on the damn floor kicking and screaming his ass off saying...."I don't wanna get in the buggy and you can't make me.

"WTF???? This is where mini me would have gotten an ass whipping! LOL....PERIOD! Don't care who's around....who's got something to say or anything!!!

To yourself you are saying, "WTF is going on over here?" He couldn't be anymore than 4 years old and this a grown ass person sitting here BEGGING a child to get up off the floor.

Do you see these kinds of things happening? What's the worst one you have ever seen? Have you ever witnessed a parent actually back-handing a child doing this mess? If this was your child, (which I hope it wouldn't be), what would you have done???

*Disclaimer: If you know you have a bad ass child and they are known for throwing temper tantrums in which your ass gives in, please refrain from posting to this blog! You need your ass whipped!!*